I'm Not Playing Married or Divorced
(I'm Not Now nor Have I Ever Been Either of the Two)!!!
(Matthew 19: 1-12: From the Message Interpretation)
“When Jesus had completed these teachings, he left Galilee and crossed the region of Judea on the other side of the Jordan. Great crowds followed Him there and He healed them.
One day the Pharisees were badgering Him: “Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?”
He answered; “Haven't you read in your bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh – no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”
They shot back in rebuttal, “If that's so, why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers and divorce procedures?”
Jesus said, “Moses provided for divorce as a concession for your hardheartedness, but it is not a part of God's original plan. I'm holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery.”
Jesus' disciples objected, “If those are the terms of marriage, we're stuck. Why get married?”
But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked – or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.”
DISCLAIMER!!!
I'm rebuking, reproving, correcting, and instructing myself in righteousness with this piece... I just thought I'd share my revelations with the family.
That being said, Let's get right to it!!!
It has been a whirlwind of emotional ups and downs for me lately; all kinds of attack on every aspect of my life, to the point that I've even questioned my own personal value... (“What on earth am I doing for heaven's sake?”) I've even had moments where I thought it would be easier to give in completely and say, “SCREW IT!!!” (Anybody ever been there???) So thanks to a few friends and my family, I've been feeling much better because of their prayers on my behalf, and the encouragement to “...not grow weary in well doing...”(Galatians 6:9) I'll admit, I had lost my appetite for prayer, (giving in to stress and anxiety... only to lead to more stress and anxiety), but God is a Father like no other, and really came and sat right with me, as only HE can, even in my silence. And what HE revealed to me... WHEW!!! Blew my MIND!!! I love in your face revelations from the Father!!! He told me, It's going to be a painful process, but a healing process (much like surgery.... “It hurts, but it heals.” Shout out to Shellie R. Warren)
Now here I am thinking the first round would be the worst. OH WAS I WRONG!!! (“The backlash has been more devastating!!!“ Shout out to my sister Stephanie Richey) But from the burn-off this is what I got...
I'm NOT PLAYING LIKE I'M MARRIED OR DIVORCED... BECAUSE I'M NOT NOW, AND HAVE NOT BEEN
I'm up pretty early these days. (reading, emailing, texting, or watching the news for a weather report) Today, I'm getting messages from a few people saying hello, some confirming business related initiatives, others joking, and THEN... A VERY personal inquiry into an even MORE personal territory... UGH!!! Those of you who really know me, know that I have a “click spirit”, meaning if you cross certain boundaries with me... I'LL CLICK!!! Whatever I say... WELL... AMEN!!! Praise God for His grace and me really trying to grow in TEMPERANCE... One of the Fruits of the Spirit... I Digress...
So after letting my initial response pass through my head a few times, I responded (with a little more tact), “What kind of question is that?” which prompted a phone conversation of me having to lovingly and graciously tell the person, “I don't have to answer that for three reasons: 1) It's NONE of your business, 2) You aren't certain the information stream is actually about me, and 3) WHAT DIFFERENCE does it make in the grander scope of things?” Now, for the purpose of where this is going, I went and checked the source myself, and as suspected two questions to an online survey had been BLOWN out of proportion. I was led to believe that the majority of this thing is about me... TRY ONE QUESTION, another one ASSUMED to be about me, and the answer to the one that was about me was about our growing friendship... SO NOW I'M LIVID!!!!
My day is almost ruined, but God hit me again, The backlash is more devastating...
I'm NOT PLAYING LIKE I'M MARRIED OR DIVORCED... BECAUSE I'M NOT NOW, AND HAVE NOT BEEN and DON'T WANT TO BE THE LATTER OF THE TWO!!!
So now to the lead scripture...
I've done a TON of dissecting with my past relational behavior and come to realize that I took on a lot of the behavior patterns of marital unions, without EVER making the covenant commitment... (Sex, Intimate time in restricted space, and even co-dependency) PLAYING married with no God-Ordained, God-Centered, or God-Focused motives... (You don't have to say Amen, Just nod when I pass by your front porch!!!) When the relationship would end after a season, I always felt like I was going through some sort of divorce or severance proceeding (physical, spiritual, emotional, personal, and possessional divorce and severing of ties), and then would realize how complacent and comfortable I had become in the situation. WOW!!! This would expose all the collateral damage I've caused in other people's lives...
(Sidebar... Another piece on being DERAILED by the enemy is coming REAL SOON!!!)
After realizing all that had taken place in these non-covenant relationships, I realized that I HAVE to stop PLAYING and become mature enough to realize I still have some growth proceedings yet to undergo. In that realization, by guidance of the Holy Spirit, I've come to the full understanding of a few things...
First... Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships, Engagements, and this FOOLISHNESS we come to tolerate as “Common Law” relations are all NON-COVENANT relationships!!! YEP... SAID IT... MEANT IT!!! That means I'm restricted from ALL covenant union behavioral allowances. Am I against healthy relationships that lead to God-Designed, God-Ordained, God-Established, and God-Centered covenant life partnerships (MARRIAGES Y'all!!!)??? No!!! I'm all for that!!! For that to happen, the scriptures encourage us to grow to a level of maturity as individuals to walk that process out properly. Otherwise stay away from it!!! I realize that I've conducted some very childish, fantasy-like, animated film type, soap-opera, mindless behavior in relationships of the past... AND I DON'T WANT THAT ANYMORE!!!
(I Corinthians 13:11) “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”
(Genesis 2:24,25) “This explains why a MAN leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
Secondly... I made the statement just recently that I realize I'm not at the point where I can give my BEST, so this is not the season for me...
(Sidebar #2... We need to recognize that not being able to give our best is an indication of a variation or a combination of the following: a) For whatever reason, I'm not thoroughly equipped, or b) you're not equipped... and FAMILY, THAT IS UNEQUAL YOKING!!!)
(II Corinthians 6:14-18)
Now if you're like me, you've heard the “Unequally Yoked” passage used to brow-beat and manipulate folks into a botched relationship to justify two folks tying the knot to make an “honest” union...
(STOP PLAYING WITH ME Y'ALL... I AM NOT PLAYING WITH YOU!!!) But as I studied the yoking of horses, oxen, etc., I learned the concept here is really about balance. The term “unequally yoked” is derived from the Greek word heterozugeo (yes that is the correct spelling!!!), meaning to be associated in discord, or confusion. And the scriptures clearly say, “God is NOT the author of confusion.” (I Corinthians 14:33) So when two animals are joined in a yoke, one may be stronger than the other, pull to one side, or go at a faster pace. So you have to match the pairing of animals so that they balance each other out and the TEAM works together more effectively, moving in the same direction, at the same pace, at the SAME TIME... And the “weaker” of the team get stronger by their association with the stronger.... OOOH!!! (Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together except they agree?” - Shout out to Shellie R. Warren AGAIN!!!) But if the team can't work together... FAMILY... WE HAVE A PROBLEM... CALLED UNEQUAL YOKING!!! And guess what? There are some unequally yoked CHRISTIANS out there RIGHT NOW!!! YEP... SAID IT!!! If I were wrong, divorce court dockets would NOT be stocked full of church folk, the rate would be down, married folk would be AT HOME TOGETHER, homes would not be in disarray, there would be no need for all the counseling, there would be no domestic disturbance units in the police forces, there would be no sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse against spouses OR the CHILDREN, and the children would NOT be CRAZY and DERANGED... (Oh YES I AM GOING THERE!!!)
Thirdly... My resolve after all this is that I STILL need to allow God to guide me in some growing processes (Psalms 1). What I truly LOVE about the first marriage, (Adam and Eve... Garden of Eden... Genesis 2:18-25) is that God saw Man's deficiency[lack] and need for a help mate... We who have been raised on the King James interpretation have read it as helpMEET. My study of the word HELPMEET led me to these definitions: A suitable, compatible, compassionate, understanding PARTNER... WOW!!! (IF THAT ISN'T I CORINTHIANS 13... I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS) So... If I'm walking with God, doing what HE has instructed me to do, then HE recognizes what's missing, and “HE will supply my needs according to HIS riches and glory.” (Phillipians 4:19) OH YEAH BRING IT ON!!!
Fourthly... (Now I'm gonna go here and then I'll stop meddling...)
IF you read Phillipians 4:10-19, as I have, you see the benchmark for healthy relationships all the way around...
a) Express gladness for those who genuinely care about your well-being (v.10)... That can be a friend, and it BETTER be your spouse MARRIED FOLK!!! Healthy relationships do begin and end as friendships... to ME. I've actually been told in the past, “I can't just be your FRIEND!!!” REALLY??? Well what happens nature takes a change in her course??? A FRIEND WILL RECOGNIZE YOUR BEAUTY FOR A LIFETIME.
b) Learn how to be satisfied with what you got, recognizing through Christ you have the strength to do ALL THINGS (v. 11-13)... Very Simple... Live within your means... spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, relationally!!! Quit worrying about STUFF and MORE STUFF
c) Recognize HIM, and those around you, who sow into your purpose in whatever position find yourself in life... Realize God really has given you ALL you need and more!!! Sometimes it comes in the form of some IN DUE TIME help when life throws you some unseen twists and turns, or someone steps in to help you right on time... REAL FRIENDS do that you know!!! (v. 14-19)
NOW... In closing, I recognize I'm still growing in God. Therefore, I'm trying my BEST to NOT waste anyone's time (or mine for that matter) PLAYING married... WHEN I'M NOT... YET. When God sees fit to introduce me to my wife (whoever/wherever she is), IT WILL NOT BE A GAME... TRUST!!! By the same token, I'm not gonna play like I'm going through some divorce just because a friendship doesn't turn into a covenant partnership... I'M NOT DIVORCING!!! AT ALL!!! I will say this... Just like everything has a season (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8), When a relational season is over... THAT'S IT!!! Notice there is nothing about the four seasons that is exactly the same... NEW SEASON, NEW SCENERY!!!
I Love You All!!!
Joseph
Please send any questions, comments, and/or prayer requests to mybrothasays@gmail.com
For more information on the Teen Moms/Nashville Youth For Christ program,
please contact Shellie R. Warren at shellie@nashvilleyfc.org or at 615-290-9905
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